Reflections
by SuiGeneris221B
Summary: Phryne tells Jack another story about her sister Janey.


The night air was cool, but not cold, and Phryne had opted to leave her bedroom window open to let the breeze waft through the room. The curtains moved slightly as the occasional gust would be strong enough to make its presence known. It was a lovely night, but she felt her mood getting more sad as the minutes ticked away until she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She tried being quiet, but he would have had to have been at his own home to not know she was distressed. She felt him roll towards her and pull her back to his chest.

"Phryne? What is it? What's wrong?"

She sniffed loudly and briefly considered getting up so as to let him sleep, but the bigger part of her wanted to stay in his arms. "Just remembering old times, Jack. You know me. Go back to sleep."

"Don't make light, Phryne, you're upset. What were you thinking about?"

Pausing for a moment, she turned to look at him in the darkness. "Janey."

"Ah." Kissing her forehead, he pulled her closer, letting her head rest in the space between his shoulder and neck. "Tell me."

"It's just an old memory, Jack. Sometimes they come out of nowhere and for no reason. And sometimes I see something and it takes me back like it was yesterday."

"What brought on this memory?"

"I was out with Dot today getting some new things for Dot and Hugh's cottage when I saw a little girl with blonde hair wearing a pink dress and she looked so much like Janey I almost called out to her. Then I remembered the summer Janey had a pink dress and I acted like a horrible brat and..." Phryne burst into tears again and Jack held her until she managed to calm herself enough to tell him the story.

Even though they'd been horribly poor, Phryne and Janey's mother Margaret always somehow managed to have one new thing for them around the start of summer. Hair ribbons, lace collars, stockings, or sometimes when their father had been lucky in a bet, a new dress or shoes.

This had been one of those lucky years and Phryne was proud as a peacock over her new dress. Well, not a **new** dress, exactly, but it was like new. The hem hadn't been stitched properly and someone had given it away to a church for them to give to the poor and Margaret managed to get it before someone else snatched it up. Phryne didn't care; it was her favorite shade of blue and who was going to notice the hem? It didn't have any holes in it, there weren't any stains, and though it was a little big, she'd grow in to it soon enough. There was a satin ribbon in a darker shade of blue around her waist that she couldn't stop stroking and the skirt swished when she walked. Phryne suddenly felt so grown up even though she was only eleven.

Janey's dress had been a light pink with an ivory collar and after their mother had done Janey's blonde hair in rag curls the night before, she looked more like a porcelain doll. (In a fit of pique, Phryne had chopped off her own hair several months previously to her mother's horror. So there would be no curls in Phryne's dark hair. Not that she cared – corkscrew curls in her hair looked ridiculous in her opinion.)

There was going to be a picnic at Uncle Edward and Aunt Prudence's house and while Henry flatly refused to go, Margaret had put her foot down and declared that she and the girls would be attending and she was not about to have them looking like the dregs of society. Even though they were. And Henry managed to stay off the booze long enough to have a little extra money for Margaret to go and get new clothes for them all which Phryne considered nothing short of a miracle.

So here she sat, looking at herself in the cracked mirror on the wall, and feeling pretty for the first time in a very long time. Janey couldn't stop looking at herself and giggling at her curls but preening a little just the same. Even at eight years old she knew she was looking more like the other little girls they'd see traveling on the tram or riding in carriages. The girls that didn't grow up in Collingwood.

Uncle Edward had even gone so far as to send a motorcar for them so Phryne and Janey were almost beside themselves with excitement. The ride to the Stanley house wasn't nearly long enough in their opinion and the sisters looked at each other wishing the car would just keep going and going. Away from their father and Collingwood and poverty and misery. But the car did stop and Phryne knew she had to marshal her thoughts to simply enjoy today and everything it brought. The sun was shining and there would be plenty to eat and drink which would make for a nice change. The one regret about her new dress was that there were no pockets so she couldn't filch some food to bring back when the picnic was over. Well, she'd come up with something.

Aunt Prudence came rushing over and hugged her sister and addressed her nieces with pleasantries, introducing them to a number of the other guests in attendance. The comments from the ladies was every variation of how Phryne looked nice, but they simply gushed over Janey. How pretty her dress was, how lovely her hair looked, she was just a living doll and Margaret must be so proud. A little lady! After the fifth or sixth time of barely noticing Phryne but exclaiming over Janey, Phryne's bubble burst. She could have stayed in Collingwood for all that it mattered, apparently.

All the lovely feelings that she'd had at home were evaporating. Her heart sank into her scuffed shoes, wanting desperately to escape these stifling women. And then she got angry. Not at the women who were doing all the talking, but at Janey, who was standing there in her pink dress and perfect golden curls.

Janey was the quiet daughter, the one that Margaret was trying to turn into a lady after giving up on trying to mold Phryne into a model of decorum. Janey was the one getting lessons on sewing and how to serve tea and how to sit in a chair with her ankles crossed beneath her skirts and how to properly speak. It wasn't that Phryne didn't know how to do these things, she just didn't want to do them. What kind of tea parties would they be hosting in the slums? Better to learn how to pick a pocket or a lock or wheedle a deal out of the greengrocer or how to find medicine when they were sick. Hang deportment lessons, there was no time to be a lady when you had to survive.

But she found in that moment that there was a part of her that her feminine heart wanted acknowledged. She wanted to be thought of as pretty and be gushed over and looked at as more than just a tomboy. She, too, wanted attention and approval but it all seemed to be going to her sister and jealousy reared its head in that moment and took over.

Darting away from her mother and Aunt Prudence and their exclamations, she ran inside the house and out the back door into the garden. There was a spot behind some shrubs that provided a good hiding spot and Phryne wanted to be left alone. They hadn't been there thirty minutes and already her good mood was gone.

She had no idea how long she'd been sitting there when she heard footsteps approaching. At first she thought maybe her cousin Guy had found her and was going to try to talk her into playing games with some of the other boys at the picnic but looked up to find Janey standing there with a slice of cake in a napkin.

"I brought you some of the cake. Thought you might be hungry."

"I don't want anything. Go away."

"But you have to want something. You missed breakfast this morning."

"I wasn't hungry."

"Yes you were. I heard your stomach growling before we got up. Father ate your toast."

"So what if he did? It wouldn't be the first time."

"That's why I brought you the cake. If you don't want that I can get you some of the tea sandwiches or biscuits or candy? Guy and his friends have already gotten into the ice cream and Aunt Prudence is furious but there might be some left."

Phryne shot up from the ground, unwilling to let go of her jealousy. "Will you stop?! I don't want your stupid cake! Quit being such a goody goody and go back to all your admirers and leave me alone!" She slapped the cake out of her sister's hand, watching it tumble on the grass and into the dirt. Turning on her heel, Phryne ran away again, into the horse barn and climbed into the haymow. She didn't care if her new dress got dirty, she just wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Hot tears streaked down her face as she imagined herself anywhere but there, becoming a pilot or a soldier or an actress on the stage. Anything but being Phryne Fisher.

Hours later she was found by Guy to tell her Margaret was looking for her and it was time to go home. She brushed herself off as best she could and went back to the picnic which was winding down. Uncle Edward had given her a hug and commented that she must've had fun as he hadn't seen her all afternoon. Not having the heart to say otherwise, she gave him a lukewarm grin and headed back to the car. Janey was already inside, resolutely staring out the opposite window.

Not a word was said the entire time home, with the exception of Margaret who sat between the two girls and was annoyed at Phryne's behavior and disappearing act but resigned to the fact that her eldest daughter was never going to be conventional, so her comments were terse. Janey continued to sit quietly which only rankled Phryne even more.

Once they were back in Collingwood, Phryne dashed out of the car and went in the closet-like room she and Janey shared. Pulling the curtain that served as a door, she took off her new dress, thankful it only needed to be brushed off, and hung it on a peg on the wall. Back in her usual rags, she wasn't sure if she felt relieved or even more frustrated. She was also very hungry not having had anything to eat all day, but she knew that was her own fault, and wondered if she was going to have to slip off and find something to steal or if there was any food in the kitchen?

Her head was aching and there were still so many confusing feelings boiling inside that instead she opted to lie down. Maybe there was some bread or an egg she could boil for supper later and then she would start feeling normal again?

Janey came in the room and also changed her clothes, carefully folding her dress and putting it in an old trunk at the foot of the bed she shared with her sister. She walked back out of the room just as quietly, leaving Phryne ashamed and guilty. It wasn't as though Janey had asked for the attention or even looked like she enjoyed it. Phryne had just assumed her sister was basking in the glory of being the "proper" child and had let it spoil her afternoon. Now look what she had to show for it? An empty stomach and her best friend not talking to her.

Sitting up, she scooted to the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. Time to face the music and apologize. Phryne felt she was many things, even at the tender age of eleven, but she wasn't someone that wallowed in misery or refused to admit when she'd made a mistake. Better to clear the air now than to let her feelings stew and poison her relationship with the only person she could really trust. Just as she was about to stand up and go find her sister, Janey pushed aside the curtain to come back in the room. She was holding a small basket in front of her.

"I'm sorry."

Janey looked confused. "Sorry for what?"

"For yelling at you when you didn't deserve it. I was jealous because all those ladies couldn't stop talking about how pretty you were and how nice your dress was and no one was looking at me and I wanted them to because I wanted them to think I was pretty too."

"But you were beautiful. You looked like a grownup next to them and I still look like a kid. That's all they could talk about was how cute I was and I felt like a baby!"

Phryne's mouth fell open slightly as she took in this new information. "You're not a baby!"

Janey sat the basket on the old chest and flopped down on the bed. "But that's what it felt like. They looked at me like they looked at Mrs. Flower's baby and he's not even a year old! One old woman even pinched my cheeks. I hate that! All I could think was that I wanted to be your age and grown up and maybe then I could just go play games and laugh with you."

Blushing, Phryne turned and tucked her knees up under her chin. "Still, I shouldn't have acted that way. Plus, I ruined a perfectly good piece of cake and I'm still hungry."

At that, Janey bounced up and pointed at the basket. "I found that basket in Aunt P's pantry. I kept going up to the tables and running back to put the food in and when no one was looking, I snuck it back to the motorcar and put it in the boot. While Mother was talking to the driver, I opened it up and got the basket out and hid it in the corner until I could find out if Father was here. I think I got some of everything!"

Joyfully, Phryne grabbed the towel off the top and peered inside to find chicken, some ham, slices of cake, biscuits, bread, tea sandwiches, some fruit, and what appeared to be the remainder of a jar of strawberry jam. "This is excellent, Janey!" At the bottom of the basket was also a woman's gold and silver bracelet.

"Where'd this come from?"

Janey gave a sly grin and leaned in to whisper. "It belonged to the woman who pinched my cheeks. I saw it fall off and land in the grass so I went and picked it up and no one saw me. I thought about giving it back but figured we could sell it and use whatever money we get for whenever Father gets in one of his moods."

"Appropriating stolen goods, Miss Fisher?" Phryne felt Jack's smile against her hair and she pinched him on his arm.

"Yes, well, the money we got for it helped buy food for a few weeks which was fortunate as Father went on another bender not long after the picnic. I'd have felt guilty about not giving the bracelet back, but Janey was furious about the cheek thing and the woman never even noticed she'd lost her jewelry due to the truly obscene number of pieces she was wearing to show off."

Jack's low, rumbling laugh was a beautiful sound. "I can say with some certainty though that if she thought you were beautiful then, she'd be blinded by your beauty now."

Phryne said nothing for a minute, but lifted her head to look directly at Jack's face, his eyes soft and warm. "You would have liked her, Jack. I know she would have liked you." Cocking her head to one side, she snorted with amusement and lay her head back down. "Though the knowledge that the love of my life is a member of the Victorian police would have made her laugh until she fell over." He chuckled again, warming her from head to toe.

She stayed wrapped in his embrace until she heard his breathing even out, steady and strong, before she also yawned and closed her eyes. Her beautiful sister's face at the forefront of her mind as sleep also began to wrap itself around her. "Goodnight, my Janey," she whispered.


End file.
